All the Single Ladies…


Tonight I was invited to a lively dinner party for single gays put together by an acquaintance of mine named Rob. He culled a Facebook list of 20-some (not to be confused with 20-something) single guys and we all met at a Thai restaurant in my neighborhood. Rob guessed  from the various friend connections on Facebook that no one would know more than 5 people, but some people clearly knew more. It is always amusing to hear a group of gay men recount how they know each other. There is usually a fair bit of throat clearing and waiting for someone else to set the tone and break the ice. Everyone always wants to know who dated whom, who slept with whom, who knew whose roommate, etc. Personally, I always rely on my trusty fallback response that stops further questioning: I simply say “we met in prison”, and they can imagine the rest according to their preferences, be they sweet or (un)savory. In any event, there were indeed a lot of handsome and interesting (and supposedly single) guys in attendance, and with but a drink (or two) in hand, everyone was quite friendly. Part of the idea of these, according to Rob, is that since we all know a lot of really nice guys that may not be right for us, perhaps they are right for someone else. Usually he invites ten guys, each of whom must bring one other that the group (hopefully) doesn’t know. I really like the idea of mixing things up in this manner, as I think getting to know people over a meal is one of the best ways to do so. I am looking forward to attending more of these get togethers in the future.



I never feel that I have enough time to see everyone when I take a short trip to a place I have lived before. Yet still I feel pressured to do so for some reason. Am I worried that the people I don’t see will feel slighted or somehow less important? Being the people pleaser I often am, probably. On each of my trips out to California this year (and this is the third), I have felt somewhat rushed, unable to “fit it all in”.  I really need to revisit this logic and calm down about it. We can never see everyone or do everything that we think we should, especially in a place that has so much history for us. I am here for a bit of work. That is my primary reason for coming. I will be back one day, or I won’t. I need to relax about what I can really do here, and how much I should cram in. Because each time I try to shove so much into so little time, I end up feeling exhausted, yet still guilty for not seeing those people I could not see. But life is like this, and I need to be more focused on fewer things, not the other way around. So apologies in advance everyone, and please don’t take it personally. You are not less loved for me not seeing you, nor more loved because circumstances worked out such that we could.