How to hold a conversation


I met a guy online a couple of days ago and we decided to meet for coffee a few hours ago. He immediately began by telling me about an ex girlfriend that broke his heart. Then he told me about an ex boyfriend that did the same. What followed after that (in mind numbing detail) was a catalogue description of every person he has ever met in his life. This lasted roughly two hours, punctuated only by the occasional text message and phone call from his friends. Other parts of his monologue included observations about “gay guys”, moving apartments and how expensive they are, and surviving in Italy for 3 months on a few hundred dollars.

For the rest of you maleducados out there, please make note of the following tips the next time you are on a first coffee date:

– Try to ask as many questions as you answer.

– Don’t talk on your cellphone or message excessively.

– Don’t talk about your ex. Any of them.

– Don’t stereotype gay people, even if you are one. In fact, don’t sterotype anyone.

– Listen to what the other person is saying.

Follow these instructions, and you just might make it to date number two.


  1. peeky says:

    Are there many gay Jewish guys? Are you hoping to hook up w/one so your mom doesn’t plotz?

  2. closetalk says:

    so… screw date no. 2. wat was de sex like? :)