I still keep all the lessons of the past year in my head. Especially those about living in the present, not the future or the past. But with my impending departure from India and return to the US, I am finding it extremely difficult.
On the one hand, I am revisiting the events of the past year and spending time where possible with the people I have met. I am frantically trying to tie up any loose ends here in India. But there aren’t any loose ends, really. Just the ones in my head. The memories and the good feelings. The passing through the fears and emerging more comfortable. The heat, the garbage, the noise, the dung. The constant movement. The breathtaking beauty. The unbelievable hospitality. The amazing people. This swirls around in my head and commits a part of my consciousness to the past.
And on the other hand, I am almost giddy with excitement about returning to the US. I can’t wait to see my friends and family. I look forward to being cold and putting on a sweater. I want fresh salad. I wonder what the quiet will be like. I relish the idea of not packing up my bags every 2 days to move on to somewhere else. I have great anticipation about experiencing what I know in a fresh way, stepping always (as we are) into a new river.
And my present? Not much is left except sleeping, eating, meeting friends, talking about the past and future, and writing the post you are now reading.