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One of the obsessions of Tibetan Buddhism is to circumambulate various stupas and temples. If possible, they can also turn the prayer wheels that surround many of these structures. Both the circumambulations and the wheel turning are always in a clockwise direction. I was wondering about the origins of this and figured they were mostly biological in nature. As most people are right-handed (with only about 10% lefties), the clockwise direction and turning probably made the most sense, felt the most natural, in this way. And thus something that started as slightly practical grows into a strong superstition about the holiness of direction, added to a particular religious canon.
It is also interesting to note that almost all the monks have their left arm covered by robes, but the right arm shows. Pity the poor left-handed monk, where is his place in the world?
I had another great meditation course at Tushita this morning. Then we were informed that because it was the full moon, there would be a special reading of the Sanghata Sutra. Interested in hearing the reading of the sutra (upon discovering it would be read in English), Juliette and I decided to stay for it. When we got to the gompa, they had laid out copies of the sutra on several low tables in front of the meditation mats, and Hedwig (yes, again Hedwig) explained to us how the reading would commence and how being a full moon day this was more auspicious than other days in which to read or chant, and that it would disperse more “positive energy”(her words) than on a normal day. We were told that we would each read the sutra aloud simultaneously but at our own pace.
A couple of months ago I was in Bhutan and on a few occasions was in a monastery in the presence of many monks who appeared to be mumbling, chanting, reading — the composite sound was quite nice and unique to the environment, but I remember having no real idea what they were doing. As we began to read, that particular mystery was solved and although the composite sound was still quite nice to my ear, it no longer contained the question I had posed. I knew now that we were doing the same thing, only in English.
As I got several pages into the text however, I was not so happy. The sutra is full of hellfire and brimstone, reward for good behavior and punishment for bad in a way very similar the Hebrew Torah and Christian Bible. In other words, just in the ways that religion likes to motivate people, by threat and promise. I certainly didn’t come all this way in life just to pick up that old bag. I put down the sutra after skimming the rest, mildly off put.
It was interesting how at odds this sutra was from the lovely odes to universal compassion for all beings that are at the center of our meditations. And to me, how at odds with the core of Buddhist ideas involving awareness and release from craving or aversion. Oh well. The meditations are still great, and compassion is still great. As always for me, the imagery and ritual get in the way of the big ideas.
I’m not kidding. I took the 25 minute walk uphill towards the Tushita center for their drop-in meditation at 8:30 this morning. The walk there was lovely, a meditation in itself. We were fortunate to have Hedwig leading the group in meditation again.
For the first time in a while I was really able to get deep into the meditation and see blue light in my head. That is usually how I know (along with the feeling of course) that I have gotten to the zone or head space that is deeply meditative for me.
Afterwards, I posed a few questions to Hedwig about Tibetan Buddhism. Did the Dali Lama and or his followers believe him to be enlightened, a Buddha? If Tibetan Buddhists believe in not killing anything (even mosquitoes) where did that reverence for life end? Everyday we kill bacteria by brushing our teeth, so to what point do they take this reverence for life? And finally, I asked her if most Tibetan Buddhists believe in their deities as real beings or as representations of qualities (like compassion)?
Her answer to my first question was satisfying to me. Of course no enlightened being would ever refer to himself as enlightened (and the Dalai Lama does not say that he is) as this would represent a lack of enlightenment and manifestation of human vanity or pride. Ultimately, whether his followers believe he is or is not is irrelevant if it helps them in their journey. Essentially, does the tree really fall in the forest if no one is there to witness it?
The second and third answers were a little vague, but life can be a little vague that way, with no clear cut answers to some things. One good point that did come out however was about our intention. If we are careful to never wantonly kill, even though we accidentally kill just by being alive and walking (think of the bacteria and bugs), we are not suffering unnecessary bad karma. But we must constantly weigh the good and the bad when making choices that will affect other lives, even the smallest ones.
As for the deities bit, how important are they to the Tibetan tradition? Very, according to Hedwig. But how one sees them (as real or representations) is again a matter of use and meaning to the individual.
Interesting stuff.
And there are many of them. This morning I went with Meeta to her Nichiren Daishonin Buddhist group. They basically believe that world peace and happiness (and individual success and happiness) will come about from chanting part of the Lotus Sutra with regularity. We chanted “namu myoho renge kyo” a bunch of times and a few other things, and then there were some sermons and readings. Meeta spoke eloquently about the practice as a tool for her, not to get any material thing in particular, but (by focusing on the repetition of the chant) to change her attitude about things (which is more important). Most of the other people there though seem more focused on traditional religious things like conversions, community support, world peace, and praying for stuff (like a new job or health). They were slightly too evangelical for my tastes, although I don’t see them as particularly harmful.
This morning’s meeting had me contemplating a topic I keep returning to on this trip. Where is the (seemingly) oh-so-simple Buddhism that I learned and read about in the West? The Buddhism that is a philosophy, not a religion? The Buddhism that has no gods or demons? The Buddhism that has no particular rites and rituals? The Buddhism whose goal is simply “awakening” or “seeing things as they are”?
I have been exposed over the past months to several examples of Buddhism:
- In Thailand, where the form is (nominally) Theravada.
- To Tibetan Buddhism in several but not dissimilar forms in Bhutan, Nepal, Tibet (and soon Dharamsala)
- To a lesser extent Chinese Buddhism.
- Here in Delhi, the above mentioned Nichiren Daishonin.
My problems relating to these are the same problems I have had all along my journey and are not specific to Buddhism. I have written a lot in this blog over the past few months of the spiritual traditions I have encountered and what I have thought of them. While there are many wonderful and wondrous things about these traditions, they fail in practice to help me connect with existence (or the infinite, or atman, or whatever you want to call it.) That is not to say that I don’t have these moments of connection. My experience here has helped me to have a great deal of them. And some of the tools I have learned (meditation, yoga, dealing with travel in India) and places I have been have turned out to be very helpful in this regard.
I came back to the flat and started doing a bit of internet research on Buddhism, looking through several forms until I started reading more about Zen and liking the sound of it, especially (from the Wikipedia article) this part:
Zen is a school of Mahāyāna Buddhism notable for its emphasis on practice and experiential wisdom—particularly as realized in the form of meditation known as zazen—in the attainment of awakening. As such, it de-emphasizes both theoretical knowledge and the study of religious texts in favor of direct individual experience of one’s own true nature.
The rationalist and scientist (and what the hell, tiny mystic) in me likes the sound of this. I think I need to learn more about this in the coming months. Stay tuned.
Well, I was planning on heading back to India tomorrow. Then I got up this morning and noticed that my ticket said today (yikes!) , and so I called Malaysia airlines in a slight panic to reschedule for next Monday. And luckily, my ticket is flex and there was no charge. This gave me the opportunity to go by the American embassy this morning and have my passport enlarged. Believe it or not, I had actually run out of pages to stamp. Fortunately, getting pages added was one of the most painless administrative things I have ever had to do. The staff at the embassy here in KL is very helpful and friendly, and the entire process took about 45 minutes from arrival to departure. How’s that for bureaucratic efficiency?
Hanging out in KL will also give me a little time to finish a couple of articles for a local newspaper. (Yes, I am going to be published off the web. Pretty exciting, no?) In addition, my buddy Jeff set me up with a voice reading (a screen test for voice) for this afternoon, so who knows perhaps my voice will grace a radio ad or some such thing in the near future. Just another odd notch on my acting belt. I get the giggles with this stuff.
Back hanging out with my buddy Jeff in KL for a few days, until the 10th, when I fly back to Delhi. We met up with Way Cheng, her bf Mikael, and Seow Yee (a cool friend of theirs and Jeff’s) for a fantastic dinner at Bijan, then went over to Frangipani for a few drinks. I got in quite late and haven’t slept much, but otherwise am feeling fine.
During the day yesterday, something happened that would have made me crazy upset a few months back. I had my iPod plugged into Jeff’s computer and ran an update to it that caused it to reset, losing all 1700 plus songs on the device. I have none of those songs on any sort of backup here in Asia, so they are gone. A few months ago I would have freaked out, but I really feel ok about it. I kept searching myself for some wave of anger or grief or disappointment, but none came my way. Big deal. And so what? Here is an opportunity to put some new music on my iPod and experience something other than my previous travel soundtrack.
I am really confused, disturbed and conflicted by much of what I have seen here. There are several reasons for this. In no particular order:
1. Our guide, like the one we had in Bhutan, is very difficult to understand when she tries to explain a long mythological point about Tibetan Buddhism. This is not entirely her fault, as these stories do not lend themselves easily to a 5 minute expose.
2. Along with the above, I wish I had better informed myself about Tibetan Buddhism before coming on this trip. It is mysterious to me and very far from my previous experience of Buddhism and the beautiful simplicity of the practice that has always appealed to me. The Tibetan (and Bhutanese, which came from Tibet) religion is filled with all sorts of things that seem antithetical to Buddhist principles as I have previously understood them. The multitude of gods and goddesses, demi-gods and demons, as well as the massive hierarchy in society are bewildering to me. I can find great cultural interest in the imagery of this form of Buddhism, but not much spiritual connection to it or its highly ritualized practice. (same old story with me, regardless of the religion in question.)
3. Coming to Tibet as a tourist is highly restricted. As in Bhutan, you need to sign up with a tour, and you won’t necessarily get to see the things you would like to. The trip to Potala Palace was somewhat of a disappointment, as they didn’t allow any pics inside and rushed us through in less than an hour. The building itself is amazing, but of course the ghost of the (current) Dalai Lama haunts the hell out of the place.
4. Speaking of the Dalai Lama, well, one CAN’T speak of him at all. Any time we try to ask any questions, we are told, “not allowed to talk about”. Any questions we try to ask about him (or more importantly how his followers relate to him) are rebuffed.
5. There is an unreal quality to a lot of the “worshipers” . Seeing the way certain monk-dressed people act, or the way others dramatically prostrate themselves whenever a tourist is around, once gets the feeling that this is all for our benefit and that the government pays people to pretend to be devout Tibetan Buddhists.
6. Most of the city of Lhasa is surprisingly new and clean. It has massive amounts of new buildings and finding the “old” city is somewhat difficult. It is also very touristy.
7. Trying to find info on Tibet from a cybercafe here, it was interesting to note that although I could pull up a Google result set, many of those links failed to work. The censorship here, although not unexpected, still turns my stomach.
8. The official Chinese version of events here is that they came in to “liberate” Tibet. Never mind the countless deaths, imprisonments, monastery destructions, dislocations, and prohibited speech. (I wonder how long until this blog is censored. Perhaps I will fly under the radar.)
9. There is a palpable sense of dislike of the Chinese here. More than one Tibetan we have talked to (although there are certain subjects they can’t discuss) have spoken ill of the Chinese in a general manner. They feel themselves to be very culturally distinct. In some ways it is sad to see this kind of nativism, but given the suppression of the past one can understand the aversion.
10. The only English language station on the TV of the hotel is CCTV 9. It is laughable English language propaganda, mostly “news”, that tells of the glorious perfection of China in the world. It is sort of like the Fox news of China, but without any alternatives.
FWIW, here are some of the photos:
A picture is worth a thousand words, as they say. And I have some 340,000 plus words awaiting you, but unfortunately Bhutan is not a country with high speed (or anything near high speed) internet access. I write this post from a page that took 5 minutes to load.
So in the absence of images, allow me to share a few random notes about Bhutan with you:
1. The Dzongs that we have seen here are spectacular. The modern architecture is of a very limited and enforced design type.
2. The only way anyone (except Indians) can visit Bhutan is on a package tour, and they currently average about 15 thousand per year.
3. In discussions with our tour guide we have learned that most construction labor is imported from India.
4. We have also learned that they don’t particularly seem to like Indians (or other foreigners, for that matter) as staying or getting anything like citizenship is an impossibility if you are not born of Bhutanese parents. If you are born in the country and only one of your parents is Bhutanese, you don’t even get full citizenship rights like voting and holding office.
5. An inordinate amount of drinking must go on here, for almost every shop is also a bar as in “Grocery cum Bar”, “Restaurant cum Bar”, “Hardware Store cum Bar” etc. (There will be a documentary photo collection to follow soon.)
6. The entire country seems to be under construction, with most projects scheduled to be completed by 2008, the year of the coronation of the next king. These projects include, among other things, a national highway, parliament building, botanical gardens, and much more.
7. Our guide informed us that being Buddhists, the people of Bhutan don’t approve of killing. He then informed us that most Bhutanese are meat eaters, and that they import their meat from India, leaving the killing (and one supposes the bad karma) to their southern neighbors.
We finally get to end our “Noble Silence” today. After our morning group meditation we leave the Dhamma Hall and little by little, shy at first and unsure of the boundaries of our new communicative abilities, people start talking to each other. It may sound silly, but it is jubilant. Complete strangers introduce themselves to each other and there is an easy and hearty bonding between just about everyone. I meet a nice guy named Dhanajay and we bond over the incessant burping of the hall. Ian (my next door neighbor from the cell block) and I start to deconstruct our experience in detail and share a great lunch of philosophy and conjecture about the course. I reconnect with Shumona and find out about her experience and am thrilled to dicover that our couple of covert glances at each other were as much the highlight of her day as mine in the strange communication deprivation tank of days 7 and 8.
We are all on quite a high, as much from the sense of accomplishment as from the gag being removed. The experience, although one of the most difficult I have had, was entirely worth it. I feel as if I confronted a few demons and learned some valuable lessons. I didn’t “see the light” or “feel the total disintegration of self” that we were told we would eventually experience, but it didn’t really matter to me. I came in contact with something meaningful and loving, and that was enough for me. I resolve to continue to meditate each day upon my return. Perhaps the light will appear eventually, perhpas not. But even if I only manage to maintain equanimity in the face of negative feelings, that will be fine with me.
Although I have learned some valuable lessons here, I am also starting to go a little stir crazy and day 9 is from a practice perspective identical to days 8 and 7. In addition, Goenka keeps sounding like a scold on the tapes as he admonishes us to “stay equanimous, equanimous, equanimous and not generate any new sankaras of craving or aversion, not generate any new sankaras of craving or aversion, not generate any new sankaras of craving or aversion…”
OK, OK, I get it. But he is making it sound like such a moral imperative. I give this quite a bit more thought during the day and at the nighttime discourse and come to some conclusions. I’m not really sure I want to be free from ALL craving and aversion. What about the need for food? I notice more than a few of my fellow meditators seemingly ready to go live in a remote mountain cave and ignore the world and just work on their freedom from the cycle of rebirth.
For my money, what is the point of being born human if it isnt to experience a little of the joy and sorrow? Why not just kill yourself and get it over with? The more I think about it, the more I shudder at Buddhism’s supposed ideal state. I like the idea of leaning to experience the world in greater immediacy via this technique. I like the idea of moderating our worst impulses of craving and aversion. But I stop short of the extreme idea of “total liberation”, because while it may very well be possible, I don’t consider it desirable.
In the past in my contact with various religions, I always felt that Buddhism was the closest to my ideal, mostly because it was more of a philosophy of being, and less a religion. This course has shown me that while there is a great deal to be learned from this tradition, its end point leaves me cold. I strongly value the idea of experiencing the here and now, but leave me a little of my connections to love and our humanity.
