Anyone that knows me, knows that I date a lot. Working alone as a freelancer from home, it is a big part of the way I socialize. I honestly think that there is no such thing as a bad date, everyone has something interesting about them. And even the dates that most people would classify as terrible, I classify as interesting, something to tell a story about, a good blog post at least. Ready for the latest? Here goes.
A really cute guy contacted me on OK Cupid a few days ago. I checked out his profile and noticed he spoke several languages (always a plus with me) and generally seemed quite compatible. And although he listed at the top of “things he could never live without” his dog (we’ll call her “Liza”*), I decided nevertheless to meet up for a coffee date. Yesterday, we met in the afternoon for the date, and it went really well I thought. We shared a ton of common interests and the date stretched over two hours as we got to know each other. We talked about travel, and languages, and eastern religions and a whole raft of things with an easy familiarity. It wasn’t even until near the end of our date that I realized that the small gym bag at his feet actually contained Liza. She had been well behaved and quiet the entire time, and although I am not a fan of purse dogs, she was in no way annoying to me.
My date informed me that he had to go help a friend of his, and was sad to leave, but would I be interested in meeting up later? The date had gone very well and I found him really attractive, so I said sure, imagining that we would be, I don’t know, making out a little later at the least. He texted later and I invited him over for a movie and hanging out (read what you will into this). When he arrived at my place with his purse dog still in tow, I was a little taken aback, but realized he hadn’t had a chance to go home in between and tried not to make a big deal as the dog scurried around every corner of my apt (and on the furniture) while he put down some paper in the bathroom and showed Liza where it was located “in case”. We ordered a pizza and started to watch a movie, and I foolishly imagined we might sidle up next to each other on the sofa, watch the movie, and maybe get a little comfortable with each other. But this was not to be, as he spent the entire movie with Liza on his lap or chest, stroking her and keeping his distance but for the occasional reaching over with his foot to rub mine.
I literally sat there dumfounded, wondering where the hidden camera was. I was so flummoxed, I just sat through the movie, waiting for it to be over and not paying very much attention to it. I kept wondering to myself how to end this date sooner, perhaps with a casual line to him about how I had totally forgotten that my extended family was about to arrive for a 2 month visit in a few minutes and I needed to prepare, or that I had some rusty razor blades that I would rather being playing with. Near the end of the movie he mentioned how bad he felt, not about bringing Liza along on a first date, but that he really should have fed her sooner, the poor thing was ravished. I helpfully suggested that the only decent thing to do was march home that instant and get the poor dear something to eat. We hugged and exchanged an extremely chaste kiss, and he left. I went immediately to my iPhone and deleted his number.
*as always, names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved