The last several days have been a strange period of waiting for things. Waiting on checks to arrive. Waiting on clients to get back to me. Waiting on potential clients to approve a contract that I am not even sure I want. Perhaps because of all this waiting, I have felt a contemporaneous and strange sense of waiting for something else as well. Something unknown and unknowable. Something I can’t put my finger on exactly. I am not at all a fan of this sensation, as it is definitely outside the realm of being in the present. It pulls me somewhere else and makes me immaterial somehow. It places a vague, uneasy cloud over everything, a slight sense of dread. I am not sure exactly what this thing is, except a lack of focus, and a lack of presentness.
Trying to get back into doing something while waiting, I reworked my CV a bit yesterday to add new clients and make the management of the client area easier to change. It is now all stored in a database table, and each client record is now easy to publish or unpublish as well as adding new clients or info without ever having to touch the page design. It gave me a small sense of accomplishment, and luckily today I received some new client information that will allow me to get back to work on their projects.
But this vague sense of waiting remains. What am I waiting for, what are we waiting for?