It had to happen sooner or later. I got called in to audition for the part of a rowdy Australian sports fan (yeah, I know, me? But there is a shortage of “international” actors here.)
I went in this afternoon for my screen test, not knowing what to expect at all. Some guy has me stand in a room in front of a camera and tells me to act “natural” (isnt this a contradiction in terms?) and tell a little bit about myself. I hear the words come out of my mouth about me, my mid life crises, why I am here in India…and I am sure that I wince noticeably. He tells me to relax, not stand so stiffly. I stiffen at the remark. Then he tells me he wants me to show some real sports excitement. I look at him with a blank stare. He asks me to imagine my favorite sport, and my team has just scored! As I try to imagine my favorite sport, I am thinking to myself “But I am gay. I hate sports. hm…does acrobatics count?” He then yells “action” (or something to that effect) and tries to talk me through it. “Ok, you are watching the team…they are about to score….and they score! Show some real excitement!” I grimace and try to muster my best “Wow!” and “YAY TEAM!”…and then I REALLY feel ridiculous.
He thanks me and tells me he will let me know if I got the part in the next day or two. It doesn’t take a pshychic to read his mind. He is thinking, “Yeah, I’ll call you if every other white guy in town drops dead. You suck.”